How to date as a millennial
From a married millennial woman
Hello Readers,
It has been such a wild week and as I am laying here doing absolutely nothing while my daughter sleeps I thought I would write about a topic that is less heavy and somewhat exciting to talk about. I’m no expert in dating, relationships, or marriage but I have learned a thing or two from dating, to relationship, and now a marriage of almost 4 years! Dating has always been so complicated for me! Especially, when I was I was in my later 20’s. I think it’s because I went about it so wrong and no one really talks about what dating means! I always felt the lines were so blurred! Especially when it comes to how a woman dates and how a man dates! So I thought it would be fun to just give my thoughts on how I even got to where I am today!
Lesson 1: Do not expect anything from anyone you are dating! lol expectations are so different for women and men, I swear by this and will always stand on this! Literally could not tell you the times I expected so much from some guy I barely knew! Just keep an open mind and have fun! Do not expect them to call, text, buy flowers, court you unless clear communication has been awarded! I remember dating a guy once expecting so much to come to realize he was with another girl, literally in a relationship thinking he was going to leave her for me! Delusional was an understatement! Also, expectations you put on a man you barely know only lets you down at the end! I think when you are truly yourself and you have fun knowing this person might not be the one, it’s a win for everyone!
Lesson 2: speaking of being yourself, literally go on dates being your whole self and I would say know your worth! Know what you are willing to comprise and what you will not! Whether that be morals, religion, etc…. I know it’s nerve wrecking at first because you just have the thought well what if they don’t like me and the date goes horrible! I think that is the whole point lol dating isn’t some way to impress a guy! I think personally dating should be intentional! If you aren’t going to go into it being fully yourself, you are wasting your time! Trust me when I say I was the queen of conformity when it came to men! Like I literally would pretend to like a show, sports, or a movie because a guy liked it and all I wanted was them to like me back! 🤭🤦🏻♀️ can you say desperate, which I felt at times I was lol but I always told myself I rather be all in and get my heart broken then be cold and play hard to get because i know how to play the game and have the upper hand!
Lesson 3: dating isn’t a game! It’s not about who can ignore each other more to have the upper hand or when is the right time to reach out etc… like if you want to talk to someone you are dating, call them, text them! lol it really isn’t that complicated or it shouldn’t be! Especially if you both have the intention of wanting the same thing at the end of this! I remember I would always be so desperate to not contact a guy because I didn’t want to seem like I was trying too hard and make the guy seem like I’m desperate for his time! When I dated my now husband, I called him whenever I wanted and texted him whenever I wanted lol I literally said fck it, if he doesn’t like this he’s not for me🤣😅 (it worked in my case) just call them, text them, and take initiative if you want to. Don’t worry about what if I want them to make all the moves etc… I sometimes say guys really don’t think like girls sometimes! They are in their own world and sometimes they don’t think about half the things we women think about!
Lesson 4: If he wants to he will! I say this with my whole chest lol if he wants to be with you, he will do anything to be with you! I thought long about this because I’ve noticed this in a lot of relationships around me and in mine! Men who want to be with you will never let you question it! They will quite literally go to the ends of the earth to make you happy and give you what you need! I believe they will change plans, change cities, change whatever they need to be with you! That is something I hold dear to me because when I was dating my husband he said the minute he realized I was the one, he was willing to do whatever it took to make the relationship work out. At the time we were really trying to figure out where we would want to be city wise and it was hard because we both were jobless at the time and I really wanted to move back to Washington DC when I was back in my hometown! So, I am just saying guys will go to the ends of the earth to do whatever they need to get a girl he likes and loves!
Lesson 5: when a guy says how he feels, listen! I know this sounds crazy well of course you are listening to the guy you are dating but I think women get lost sometimes in what the future could look like instead of actually listening to what the guy is telling you! Lol I don’t know about you but when I had a really good date with a man, like my mind would shift to all the things I thought were possible with this man! How would we look in 5 years? How would we make our relationship work? Does he want kids, how many kids should we have? What kind of house should we get? Literally my mind was a dumping ground for future thoughts! Which sounds crazy, I know! But the reality at least for me was how can we work! Especially back when I was dating sheesh, I dealt with some shitty ass men lmfao just because he bought me dinner and took me to a nice place 😅 that was how low my standard was lol. Most times, it was pretty obvious a guy was telling me without telling me he wasn’t interested! I just couldn’t phantom it because we had one good date or several good dates for that matter! Guys are very obvious sometimes and they will literally tell you how it is, so just listen! You won’t go wrong when you actually get the signals!
I have so many more thoughts on this topic but these were just a few that stuck out to me! Hope this helps anyone who is dating right now! Also, these are just my thoughts and I’m sure there are a ton more that we could talk about but I thought it would be fun just to share a little with my experience! Enjoy!
see you in the next post!
Love always,
JB